Riding back over the mountain earlier, a pair of Red Kites swooped down low in tandem in front of me and majestically soared back up high into the bright blue sky. I was close enough to see their individual talons and notice whether either had a tag on its wings. There is something about the solitude of motorcycling and being in the scene rather than observing it from behind a windscreen that makes my heart soar, like those Kites, every time I ride.
My love of biking was sparked as a child. I spent those long school summer holidays wandering around on my own, down on the beach or in the park; or maybe I’d cycle the 15 mile round trip on my pushbike, to Brean Down, a local beauty spot sticking out into the Bristol Channel. I’d climb along to the old fort where I could hide and watch the rabbits and avoid the wild goats! (wild? – these were genuinely absolutely livid, and I felt like I took my life in my hands every time I ran the gauntlet through these hairy, horned, feral beasts). I’d make sure I was home in time for ‘Junior Kickstart’ though. This was a 1980’s British TV show and an offshoot of Kick Start – a televised trials bike competition where competitors would skilfully make their way around and over various obstacles as quickly as possible without touching them, knocking them over or putting their feet down. I can still sing the theme tune 30+ years later – along with the revving engine noise at the end!
I had to make do with bicycling when I was young. We lived in a semi-detached house in a town and there was nowhere to ride an off-road bike. And furthermore, it would not have happened because I was a girl. I wasn’t a typical girl mind. I asked my mum what I was like because I know I never played with dolls or wanted other popular 1980’s girls toys, like a ‘Girls’ World’ – in fact I found the idea of having a severed head (albeit a plastic one) in my bedroom that I could apply make up to and do its hair, quite repulsive. I did have a Cindy doll – I cut its hair off and knitted it some survival clothes for having outdoor adventures in, like being lost in a jungle or stranded on a desert island. My favourite things, according to my mum, and she was absolutely spot on; were reading and cycling. I would get on my bicycle and disappear off for as long as possible, not considering the fear I instilled in her by cheerily recounting how I’d cycled to the next town along the main road and then climbed a hill or gone looking for creatures in the sand dunes. I was an extremely accident-prone child and had a tendency to go off in pursuit of whatever it was that took my fancy that day, with no consideration for safety or telling someone. There was no way I was having a motorbike.
I had my first ride as a pillion passenger on a family friend’s motorbike. I remember how it felt sitting on the back and the pull of the various forces working on my body as we accelerated. I knew at that moment; I would have to have my own motorbike someday. It was all the fun of bicycling but with this added ‘something’.
When I was 18, I bought a moped. An orange Suzuki FZ50. I lived in a town near the Quantock hills and I’d ride up there and wander around, enjoying the solitude away from the busy streets and the flats where I lived. I loaned that bike to a ‘friend’ – well it was someone who lived in the flats who I hung out with. They disappeared off on my bike and I eventually found it dumped and broken. I saved up and bought a Honda step-through – one of the most popular motorcycles in the world ever. The classic C90 in red, with fairing, top box, leg shields – the full works. This bike wasn’t a ‘twist and go’ like the moped, but had 3 semi-automatic gears where you pushed the gear pedal to engage in a gear but without the need to hand operate a clutch lever. I used this bike for my daily commute to college and it ate up the 13 mile journey easily. However, I had decided that travelling to Taunton every day was tiresome and I was offered a room in a shared house belonging to someone on my course and I moved in. I was riding back to my new pad one evening and a young man shot through a red light and I hit the side of his car at 30mph and tumbled over his bonnet onto the road. We agreed to settle this privately and he gave me enough cash to buy my first proper motorbike; with manual gears, a kick start, and trail bike styling – I was about to realise my ‘Junior Kick Start’ dream with Honda’s XL100.
Up until this point, I had motorcycled alone, much like I did most things in life. One night in January 1994, with my arm in a sling from the aforementioned accident, I turned up at a friends’ house. John, Chris and Matt were guys I knew from my old town and had also moved to Taunton and were at the college, and they had planned a night out. Did I want to come along? I decided to give it a try and when I arrived I found that everyone had brought something to drink before heading for town. I’ve never been good at ‘getting’ this type of social etiquette and I looked around the room and asked whether anyone wanted to go halves with me on a bottle of red wine from the off-licence. This one guy said he did and we went off in search of alcohol. He asked me about my injury and we got talking about motorbikes and have never really stopped since. Mal and I have just been sat talking about bikes over lunch in our garden and we both still feel the same about life, motorcycles and each other 26 years on.
I hadn’t taken my bike test at this point because I had a full car licence and you could ride on L-plates with that. I decided to take my CBT and test, and passed first time that April. My first ‘big’ bike was the little Kawasaki Z200, I hope my husband has forgiven me for spraying it matt black. It was a lovely bike and took me on all sorts of camping trips and to rallies and eventually when I moved to Bristol for University, it lived in my front garden and was used for getting around the city. I used to ride to West Wales where Mal had gone to pursue his studies in Lampeter. I discovered the joy of having long rides – and my goodness, everything feels like a long ride on a Z200! I had read Robert M. Pirsig’s Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and my head was filled with tales of the open road and philosophy. I still have a copy of this book on my bedside table and I’ve re-read it at various points on my life and I always find something new that resonates with me. Pirsig was an extremely intelligent, articulate man who experienced treatment with electroconvulsive therapy back in the 1960’s when he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Every time I read his books (Lila: An Inquiry into Morals further explores the concept of quality started in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance) I reflect on how similarly we see the world even though we are world’s apart. I would have loved to have a conversation with him about so many things – I’d love to know his thoughts on autism.
Although Mal and I rode together either as pillion on each other’s bikes or solo, I never fancied joining a club or gang. It wasn’t just my gender – although I must say, most images of biker girls do not show appropriate safety gear in my opinion! I have just never been part of any ‘scene’. When I moved to West Wales there was quite a few bikers. Lots of students, a local MAG (motorcycle action group), a back-patch club on the coast and a NCC (National Chopper Club). There was a MCC around Lampeter at that time but I’ve always been put off joining any clubs. The back-patch MC clubs are generally male only (there are a couple of female MC’s) and the MCC’s have never appealed either. Mal and I rode around and lived a simple life and we hung out with other people occasionally and life was good. I had spent a good few years by this time with only two-wheeled transport. I had a full car licence but no car and I rode my motorbike day in, day out. Whatever the weather and wherever I needed to. We rented a converted barn in the middle of nowhere and had no electricity and only spring water. There was no road and the track was just about passable, and allowed me another taste of my ‘Junior Kickstart’ trials riding experiences. My favourite ride was over the hills to Lampeter and on a fine day I’d take off my helmet and ride along the ancient roadway, wind in my hair and a song in my heart.
I’ve never been one for fashion or dressing up, and motorcycling suited me for that reason too. I wore my bike gear all the time. No tough decisions on what to wear each day, no not knowing whether I felt comfy or not – I was always comfortable, my bike gear moulded to fit me and didn’t have to be washed so never smelt ‘wrong’ or felt itchy. It also suited living in a barn with no electricity where we relied on a rayburn and gas lights and candles. I’d ride to town and carry home a week’s worth of shopping in my panniers and rucksack, and strap a sack of coal across the saddle.
I opened by describing how being ‘in the scene’ rather than observing, was so important to me. Thank Robert M. Pirsig for that one. Riding a motorcycle is an incredibly ‘in the moment’ type activity. I have practiced mindfulness for a long time, and had an interest in meditation, and philosophy, and science for even longer. When I ride, I can only think about the present: I can wonder, and explore ideas, and contemplate and muse; but I rarely reminisce, or worry, or replay past events or plan for the future. You have to be present because you are on two wheels and travelling at speeds of up to 70 mph (or whatever the legal limit is). If you are not totally and utterly focussed, it is likely you will have an accident. Plus, why would you want to miss a single minute of that wonderful feeling?
So what is it that is so fantastic about biking? For me it’s not the lifestyle, I’ve never been one for conforming to any type. Although, the camaraderie is like nothing else. This morning I know that every biker that raised their hand to acknowledge me, had that look in their eye, and probably a smile on their lips that said “This is fantastic isn’t it?!” I’ve always felt accepted by other bikers, my autism doesn’t even seem to register because it’s about what we have in common not what our differences are. I’ve met lots of different people who ride bikes and I’d say that many of them would be seen as eccentric or non-conformist. It’s fine to meet a biker you have never met before and launch into an enthusiastic tirade about your ride, or their bike, or ‘did you just see that idiot pull out in the Volvo?, or even the cake you just had with your cup of tea. Small talk doesn’t seem necessary and this aspect of biking has always appealed to me too.
The most significant part of biking now makes more sense to me. I’ve always recognised there was ‘something’ going on, on that very first ride as a pillion passenger. Motorcycling affects every one of my senses in a most intense way. It is the most holistically satisfying activity ever. It regulates my emotions and senses like nothing else. Harley Davidson and the UCL have recently conducted scientific research into the mental health impact of motorcycling and the findings showed that the benefits are more like those of exercise (reduction in stress hormones etc), rather than being similar to having a drive in a car. Any biker could have told you this! I’ll describe how motorbiking effects my senses:
Vision: There are so many styles of motorcycle to choose from. I’ve owned and ridden all sorts, the machines I’ve described in this blog and many more besides. I do like a trail type bike personally. I like to sit upright and be high up and get a good view over the hedges. My latest bike is an Aprilia Pegaso Strada – a kind of adventure bike machine. Bikes are beautiful to look at and Mal and I sat just staring at his Enfield bullet and it’s wonderful mechanical simplicity and style.
Smell: Who doesn’t love that smell of hot engine, petrol and oil? It is the most satisfying smell to open your garage door to.
Auditory: I love a big single cylinder engine. I had an XBR500 café racer style Honda before the Aprilia and that too had a wonderful slow, deep, thump of a big single cylinder motor.
Touch: The feel of wearing clothing that is solid, fits well and has no fancy bits to irritate me is great. I love the sensation of sitting on the bike and being able to feel things with the extremities of my body. The clunk of the gear pedal, the twist of the throttle and the wind in my face.
Taste: It isn’t a proper ride out if you don’t have chips or a cup of tea and cake! Mal says I should write a book called ‘Around Britain by cake’. Whenever he recounts a past ride-out I’ll always remember where we stopped and what we had to eat there. Food just tastes so much better when your senses are switched on by the joy of riding.
The next 3 senses are the ones less discussed outside of autism circles. These are the important ones for me though when it comes to motorcycling:
Vestibular: This is the sense of where your body is in relation to gravity. This is the sense that biking really excites in me. I like speed but I prefer acceleration. That pull and push of speeding away from a standing start just gets me going every time. When I am moving, my clumsiness disappears, and I can judge speed and distance in a way I just can’t when not on the bike. The forces working on my body as I travel switch something on in me that lasts much longer than the ride itself.
Proprioception: I mentioned my clumsiness and if you saw me off the bike you’d probably advise me that motorcycling is not for me! The clothing helps give me a sense of where my body is in relation to itself. I feel sensations in parts of me that I didn’t know existed otherwise. Having recently taken up riding again after a break, I realised that the vibration of riding and the repetitive movement of using my hands on the clutch and brake levers give me a sense of where my forearms are. I’d forgotten I had forearms to be honest and I frequently have bruises around my wrists where I knock things because I don’t notice in time. I need to put a lot of movement into my arms to notice them – I wonder whether that is why certain repetitive movements involving shaking or flapping your arms are so common in autistic people? The vibration (that favourite big single-cylinder engine again) gives me a sensation throughout my body. It’s neither pleasurable nor uncomfortable, it just seems to vibrate everything awake and I know where my body is for ages after a ride. I have certainly been less clumsy during those periods in my life where I rode daily.
Interoception: This is the sense of knowing what you feel – whether that is bodily functions like being hungry or your emotions. I have weak interoception and motorbiking awakens a pleasant feeling in me. It’s not a strong emotion, it’s more an inner peace where I know I’m ok, I know I’m contented and I know that I am part of the world.
- Have a read of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenence
- Or for something different and a great read by a female adventurer https://www.loisontheloose.com/